Dead Ex-Husband Alive at the DMV Part 12

Yesterday, Lily woke up with a clear intuition to visit her grandmother, Barrett’s mom, who for the last few years has lived in her hometown of Bryn Athyn, Pennsylvania, the "mecca" of Barrett’s former religion, where there’s a beautiful and cohesive community—an entire town’s worth of New Church people. Barrett went to college there, and he’d be thrilled to know she was making the effort to contact her relatives to make a trip happen. Our friend Steven was thinking that exact thought as he drove us to the San Francisco airport, Lily texting her cousin and exclaiming with glee, when I glanced up to see an exit off the expressway: “Barrett Avenue.” That second. That was pretty cool in and of itself, even cooler than the day before when Lily called me so I paused my book on tape, somehow at 1:55:55. And also cooler than when, on the plane, I told Lily my computer was using battery too quickly, was already at 68%, so she turned off my computer's wifi, leaving my computer battery at an amazing 55%.

It was our Christmas trip. He was making himself known.

I had been slightly unwilling to believe (because this may be getting old to some people, and because really I have no proof, do I?) that he was making himself known a week before, when we were decorating the tree. It was the one time a year I’d invited him over for dinner when he was alive—to put the lights on the tree (my not-favorite task) and to make us dinner. (Yes, I invited him over annually to make us dinner, and it was the same dinner every year, called, post-mortem, “The Barrett Dinner.”)

Lily put the lights up herself this year for the first time ever; my kid is a trooper. She is absolutely committed to having great holidays and loving life, even when she’s sad. So the lights were up, most of the ornaments were on, and she was staring at the tree, when she said, “Mom, see how that one light is WAY brighter than all the others?” Indeed. It was weirdly bright. Five times brighter. Transfixed for a moment, we were silent. Lily, because she’s like this, reached out and touched it. “Ouch!” she yelped, and that entire strand went out. “It was really hot!” she said.

Our friend Steven arrived for dinner and he simply IS all things Christmas, yet he had no explanation for the weirdly bright, burned-out light. My instinct then and there was that Lily’s dad was making his presence known: on that one day a year he’d come for dinner, on that one day a year he and I would simply get along, so our daughter would have a tradition that included both of us. Never in my daughter’s 19 years did we have a strand of lights go out, let alone have one amped-up bulb.

We kept it to ourselves; she’s less inclined to share, and even to my most mystical friends I hesitated to say, “There was a really bright light on our tree, and it was Barrett!” Because, come on. I completely see the ridiculousness of it, while at the same time I regularly and randomly feel his presence with no need to tell people or seek proof. And I’d have let this Christmas bright-light magic/weirdness recede into coincidence had this book not arrived today, reminding me of the synchronicity of the Barrett Avenue sighting.

So I texted his sister, who told me she had just been scanning photos of their grandfather, who Barrett strongly resembled, and had therefore been thinking of Barrett. I then texted our most heavenly new age friend, who said she’d recently come across a photo of Barrett and me from 1992. That’s a lot of Barrett, and synchronicity, and 55’s in one week.

“I Am The Word.” I will keep you posted.

>> 18 hours later: I quite enjoy the book. I read Chapter One last night. It is very Barrett. Had it been given to me by a client, I'd say they were very intuitive and possibly even guided from beyond by Barrett, due to the fact that Swedenborg is mentioned on page three, and that the book is just, well, verrrry Barrett.

But indeed it was not given to me by someone. I called Amazon. I waited happily on hold, while the customer service rep searched two times each for the USPS number and the Amazon order number, neither of which were in the system.

Neither of which were in the system. If YOU sent me this book, now is the time to jump out and say, "Surprise!"

I wonder if Paul Selig has ever had any other readers receive his book in the mail from anonymous and possibly post-mortem loved ones.

Dead Ex-Husband Alive at the DMV Part 11!

I received a book in the mail from Amazon today—not uncommon, except that I hadn’t ordered it. I knew at a glance. Great paper quality, though. I knew that at a glance too. And that’s all I did: glanced at the book. (By the way, if you ordered this book for me, now is the time to let me know.) A couple times I ordered a book from Amazon, but it never arrived, because I never did actually press “purchase.” Oops. However, I’ve never received a book I didn’t order. I texted the usual suspects, none of whom had sent me a book; given the date, it could have been a Christmas present. We’ve been out of town and it was in the mailbox when we returned.

Any second, anyone can call and ask if I received the book yet. I’m waiting.

After looking in my Amazon order history, where it wasn’t, I did a search on the book, to see exactly what it was I hadn’t ordered, and read the description, then returned to the book itself: I Am The Word, by Paul Selig. “A channeled text.” I like channeled books--at least the ones I like--but more to the point, Barrett’s religion (called variously Swedenborgian, or Church of the New Jerusalem, or New Church, the doctrines of which, by the way, were channeled, or divinely derived), was very important to him as well as a key to our connection. And his religion, and he, referred to The Holy Bible as “The Word.”

I Am The Word. Unless you tell me right this second that you sent me this book, I am going to assume that Barrett sent it. I’ve seen those videos of the Amazon warehouse, entirely automated—mistakes could happen, and I have no doubt, literally zero doubt, based on other signs from Barrett, that if he wanted to send me a book he could send me a book. And, if he were going to cause a book to be sent to me, it would be this book.

The book, according to its description, is meant to help readers connect with their guides and “become receptors for energies from above….”

Of all things.

So there’s that. And this story absolutely stands alone with whatever explanation you want to give it—unless you call me this second and say you sent me this book. And even if you do, I might suspect Barrett gave you a nudge. I would ask you what gave you the idea that I might want this book. Because this book is sooo him, and so not me—though it looks potentially interesting, and how could I not read this book? Tiny, minor coincidence that this very BLOG site is called "The Word 1111."

But there’s more.

(To be continued.)

Tantra 101

Yoga has traditionally stressed brahmacharya (“the right use of energy”), offering various effective techniques to withdraw from sensory stimulation. While I do not entirely disagree with this aspect of the 4000+ year old spiritual path toward enlightenment, I also have come to embrace the idea that human consciousness has developed to the extent that we as a species are ready (and one might even look around and say we are not just ready but the world is at crisis level) to embrace  tantra, which is inclusive of sensual and sexual energy as part of a spiritual path: everything earthly is also Divine, in the spirit of non-dualism.

There are a variety of paths called “tantra,” and a Facebook group of which I am a member places emphasis on defining and disagreeing on what “tantra” actually is—much in the same way a student of Iyengar yoga might attend a Kripalu class and emerge saying, “That’s not yoga!” and vice versa.

While the the Kripalu students and the Iyengar students could form a Facebook group and spend hours discussing the finer points of what constitutes yoga, and perhaps eventually (I’m optimistic) come to agreement, is that the most productive use of time? Perhaps a better use of time is to agree to disagree and allow both (and all, even, acro-yoga!) to be called “yoga” and then go DO it. 

That’s what I propose for tantra.

While on an imaginary continuum there is, on the far right, a philosophy called “tantra” that has nothing whatsoever to do with sexuality; and on the far, far left there is an association with the word “tantra” (aka neo-tantra) with concepts like polygamy, polyamory, group sex and getting naked with complete strangers, in the middle of that continuum is the “tantra” that I know and love: a spiritual path inclusive of and honoring sexual energy, composed of both ancient and modern yogic techniques that awaken the Divine flow of life within, to promote a state of sex-heart-consciousness.

Is the yoga world ready for sexual tantra? I posit that it is. Why should sexual energy and genitals be the one area not addressed, not included, by yoga? The tantric sex path requires skillful, compassionate guidance (even if you are guiding yourself) and an abiding identification with the highest part, the Divine part, of yourself and others, as well as a deep acceptance of the lowest, most human and flawed parts—of yourself and others, and especially your partner, if you have one. That, and desire, is all one needs.

While we in our journey as yoga teachers and students and aficionados are leaving sexual energy off the mat, sex is a billion dollar industry online, and the current generation of young people are learning about sex from porn, learning to objectivize each other’s body parts, learning to separate sex from intimacy (or even from actually knowing the name of their sex partner). Far from being a prude, I am a lover at heart—and I see the value of knowing the person whose energy and physical body I am allowing to penetrate mine. I question which senses and chakras need to be shut down in order to engage intimately with people we don’t know, people whom we might not even like if we did know them. I want more for the next generation and I want more for myself.

Meanwhile in the real world, we have couples working all day, drinking coffee to fuel up, wine to wind down, exhausted and crabby at the end of the day with no tools or techniques to reawaken their sexual energy in order to be fully present with the one they love the most—even if they go to a yoga class regularly.

It has been instilled in us 21^st Century-dwellers that marital union is practically the climax of our existence. We were taught the proper gender identity to unionize with, depending on the gender identity that was given to us at birth, based on genitals that may or may not match up with our mental gender identity. This identity and partnering system is a thick belief system, handed down through generations in a patriarchal society, until now self-perpetuating unquestioned. And sex is associated with it. The structure of the belief system around gender and coupling has begun to be questioned; why not question, and maybe even enlighten, the paradigm of sexuality itself too?

If you have a voracious appetite for paradigm shifts, you might like tantra. Tantra says that not only is sex not a shameful and nasty physical act, but that it is an act of Divine Union (whether you are married to your partner or not)—in other words, that sex is inherently spiritual. That our physical bodies are a gateway to higher consciousness. Yes, people actually meditate in sex positions. (Wouldn’t one distract from the other? Are they not mutually exclusive? Merging the two is the tantric sex path. Take it from a longtime practitioner: Best. Meditation. Ever.)

We have lost sight of the deeply unifying energy that sex is. Surely we are ready for tantra as an ancient art reclaimed. It feels foreign, but it can be brought home very happily. I have never seen anyone at the end of a tantra workshop feeling inadequate—experiencing and sharing this quality of energy makes a person feel they are enough—and it leads people who already feel like they are enough to feel divine.

Tantra increases the sheer volume of sexual energy within and around you. But it filters it through the Heart and higher consciousness so that it’s clean, pure, and appropriate—even though it’s sexual. Many have come to know it as creative  energy and embody a heightened awareness. (“I want what they’ve got,” I thought, when I first met my tantra teachers on a modest Midwestern front porch.)

Through breathing and awareness exercises, rather than a physical act (“friction sex,” my beloved teacher Richard Asimus calls it) sex becomes a spiritual act—like a full-body prayer, in the way that yoga can be a full-body prayer. After our own bodies have been cleansed and more finely tuned, we tune in to each other and feel that sense of Union that we crave. Deep intimacy is hot.

Our everyday consciousness craves that moment of orgasm in which we fully let go of wanting, of habit, of everything banal…through tantra it is revealed that that this bliss is happening and available all around us at any time; though typically we need to be in the moment of orgasm in order to feel it. But it is not just about genitals. We mistake it for being merely genital stimulation and brain activity. It is also an energy present on the planet at all times, for those who learn to tune into it—and it can happen in any chakra.

Tantra teaches us to tune into this bliss in everyday life. Therefore it’s great for longtime couples, who re-learn to harmonize in a way that leads to enhanced sexual experiences.

It is hard to practice tantra and maintain the mainstream myth that sex is shameful, or that it should be properly relegated to the end of the day, after all the bills have been paid and the dishes done. Instead, celebrate it! Prioritize it! Honor it! You can see why tantra has been underground since the 13^th Century—no one would have ever paid the bills or done the dishes (but now that we can pay online and use dishwashers, don’t we have more free time?). Tantra exposes other myths too, such as the one that says humans are born guilty. (In my estimation, the only original sin is believing that we were born with an original sin.) Warning: tantra may lead to the breaking down of societal mores. At the same time, why not say yes to breaking down the ones that leave sexy people (i.e., all of us) feeling shamed or oppressed?

These tools and techniques, the ability to awaken our energy and be fully present to the Divine in oneself and one’s partner, are what tantra teaches (or what, in particular, UGoddessTantra (my “brand”) teaches. My teachers at TantraHeart.com taught me, and their teachers at Ipsalu Tantra Kriya yoga taught them—my “brand” is lineage-based going back to the Kriya Yoga described in Autobiography of a Yogi. (Yogananda’s Babaji is Ipsalu Tantra’s Babaji.)

And so on back into the past, back to a time when the vagina was revered as the gateway between heaven and earth. You are invited to jump in—wherever you’re at--and create a new paradigm that honors yourself, body mind and spirit. It is time to find a new space for women to reside in that is neither virgin nor mother nor whore…nor any of the old paradigms handed down to us. It is time to create a paradigm for male sexuality that is empowering but doesn’t assert power over anyone. Students of yoga and life can create ourselves to be however we want to be, to claim that unique individual territory in this amazing thousand petaled lotus that is the Divine Human.

A manifesto: the planet is not just ready, but crying out for, a heart-sex-consciousness that has been hibernating for millennia. Awaken this consciousness in yourself alone, or invite your partner—not just for yourselves and each other but to create enlightened sexuality on a planet that deeply needs that kind of transformation.

UGoddessYoga offers Tantra 101: Demystifying the Ancient System to Awaken Your Erotic Intelligence, February 13, 2016. For more information and to join the mailing list: ugoddesyoga@gmail.com.